Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...

Breaking up is hard. Especially if you don't know WHY you broke up, and no one is really willing to inform you. I am still unclear as to why my husband and I separated. Things were going along just fine. No problems that I could see. Then, one day, he had to start "thinking about his life". Fine - we all go through that stage. Usually it's work related, or do I want to go back to school - something. Not hey, I think I'm gonna leave my wife and not tell her why!
This makes it extremely difficult to move on. How can you possibly move on after this? You have zero closure, no idea what went wrong, no idea what happened. Just one minute everything is good - the next you're single.
I have asked him why - he says I seemed unhappy. That seems like a bullsh*t answer if you ask me. If I seemed unhappy wouldn't you TALK to me about it? Really?
The fact that he refused to speak to me about anything that was going on, refused counselling, didn't even attempt to work things out is completely heart breaking. How do you recover from that? How do you get over that? How can you move on from that?
The answer? You can't. You simply can't.
I think it's extremely selfish. Him not telling me what happened is holding me back from healing, and that is an incredibly cruel and selfish thing to do. Even if it's something hurtful that I wouldn't like to know - it would be better than constantly wondering what happened. It would be closure.
Have any of you ever been through this? If yes, how did you get over it?

Open Relationships...

Open relationships...
I have been hearing a lot about open relationships lately. I don't know if it's an old idea that is becoming more accepted and open in society - or just more people are doing it now. Some celebrity couples you may know who are in open relationships:
Um... Charlie Sheen (maybe a bad example)
Demi and Ashton
Pink and Carey
Will and Jada
Tilda Swinton
Mo'nique
There are a tonne of blogs written by people in open relationships - writing about their husbands and boyfriends, and their life in general.
The basic argument is that its not natural to be monogamous. That relationships are healthier if they are open and have one main relationship and multiple side relationships/one night stands/"play" partners.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. I think the guilt of being with someone else would kill me. Plus, I have zero desire to be with anyone when I'm in a relationship with someone else. On the opposite side - I could not lay in bed at night knowing that my husband/boyfriend is "playing" with someone else... I think that, personally, would be horrible.
How do you feel about open relationships?

Ch Ch Ch Changes....

So, this year has been a pretty big year of changes for me. Changes that I had absolutely no control over.

1. My husband has decided he wants to be single
2. I had to have an animal put down
3.My cousin passed away
4. My best friend moved to South Africa
5. I'm selling our house at the worst possible time
6. Getting out of my mortgage early is resulting in me paying a ridiculous $20,000 fee

I have to say, I'm pretty much done at this point. Something good has to happen right? Something good has to come from this?

This year is just a write-off for me. I just want it to be over. Next year is going to be my year of being settled, comfortable and happy. I simply refuse to accept anything else. I will be settled into my new home, getting back to ME and how I was before I was a WE.

It's Makeover's Y'all!

So, my mother-in-law and her sister (Aunt-in-law?) stopped over last night. They are so concerned over what happened. What went wrong? What was so horrible about our relationship that it wasn't worth saving?

His mother likes to disect him. His every word, move, thought... She said he's not a very thoughtful man. More focused on himself then others. Quite selfish actually. She also noted he was quite lazy and very messy. Very very messy. There was a lengthy discussion on how he constantly pee's on the side of the toilet and never cleans it up. She also went into length about how he never shares his feelings, and has no empathy if someone else is upset, and can come off cold and uncaring, even though he may actually care. He just doesn't know how to show it. She then went into an example about how he is a horrible communicator. Really. Horrible. Example:
His Mom: Hi Son, how are you today?
Him: Fine
His Mom: How are you doing? What's new?
Him: Nothing
His Mom: What are you up to today?
Him: I dunno
His Mom: Want to get together for lunch?
Him: No
His Mom: Why?
Him: I'm sick...
His Mom: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
Him: You didn't ask!

Frustrating - I know. Normal people would be like:
You: Hi, How are you?
Me: Ugh, I'm sick - some kind of flu I think.
But if you don't ask the perfectly worded question, you will never know whats going on with him.
After this lengthy discussion my Aunt-in-law says "Wow, I really think you are way better off without him". She is quite disappointed in him and has never tried to hide it. She thinks he's making a huge mistake and isn't afraid to admit it.
Now as much as I love these bitch sessions, America's Next Top Model is on Y'all! AND!! It's MAKEOVER week!!!
HELLO!

Luckily I had it on the correct channel all night so I could just rewind it and watch it. I love me some ANTM makeovers.

Apparently It's Common!

Apparently, it's common...

Me: Yah, JP decided he no longer wished to be married

You: Really? Why? What happened?

Me: I don't know

You: Well why is he leaving?

Me: I don't know

You: What reason did he give?

Me: He doesn't know - he just no longer wants to be married

You: You know, that same thing happened to (insert your family member or friend here) me, my sister, my brother, my cousin, my neighbor...

Isn't that weird?

Do people really wake up one day and say - meh, I'm done being married - time to move on. And, for the people that do do this - do you think about the consequences? How you are affecting the other person? And, if you're in my position, did you not think about this a year ago? I've been married for less than a YEAR! could you not figure this out BEFORE we got married? Really?

Apparently that is also quiet common. Ending a marriage (especially your first marriage) within the first 2 years. They call this your "practice marriage". Hmmmm... I wish I had heard of this BEFORE we got married.

The Future Could Be Pink!

So, you know what helps when you're caught in a rut. Thinking about the life you will no longer have. The family you will no longer have. Thinking about how your husband no longer wishes to be with you - and you don't know why?

Thinking about the future!

Thinking about my future apartment to be exact. This is going to be the cleanest, most organized apartment EVER. OCD tendencies rejoice!

Everything at your fingertips!

And the closet – oh the closet!

It can be anyway that I want it to be. Set up how I like it… it can be PINK!

  

What gets you through a rut?

Trust Your Instincts Girls!

No matter what they tell you - "you're over-reacting", "you're acting crazy", "Everything is fine", "there is nothing going on" - TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!

He doesn't look at you quite the same way.

He's a little more distant.

He doesn't tell you he loves you often as he used to.

He no longer touches you for no reason.

He no longer holds your hand when you go out.

He no longer spends as much time with you as he used to.

He seems to be going out a bit more than normal.

If you THINK there is something wrong - chances are there IS!

Trust yourself. Womens intuition is REAL! Don't let anyone tell you anything different!

You can feel it in the pit of your stomach, bubbling up to your brain. Your mind races, your heart throbs, and you KNOW - you know... you don't THINK - you know.

You need to trust this. This is real, and you are right!

My husband was acting "strange" for about 2 months. I asked him over and over what was going on - nothing. You're acting strange - no I'm not. Something is happening - no it's not. You are being different - nope, I'm exactly the same as I always was.

You know what? I was right. My instinct - starting at the pit of my stomach and bubbling up to my brain - was right. Dead - on! Soon - I will be separated. I will be a statistic. I still cannot tell you why. I still cannot think of a reason, a fight so bad, something that cannot be worked out.

Crazy Train To Single Town!!!!

On Friday, August 20th, 2010 - exactly 1 month and 1 day before our 1 year anniversary, my husband informed me he no longer wished to be married. We have been together for 5.5 years, and just now he realized I am not the one for him.

It's all very confusing and all kind of tangled and intertwined in my head.

He has no real reason - there are no crazy out of control fights, there is no cheating or illicit affairs. We get along great. We still love each other. We are each others best friends. We have similar personalities. We just weren't meant to be married. hmmm....

So... that's where I am. On the crazy train to single-town. Unsure why I'm on the train, but thankfully, I will be so busy getting our home ready to sell - I won't even have time to worry about it.

It's the getting into my new apartment - alone - and being forced to sit and wonder that I worry about. Worry about the future I will no longer have - the family we will no longer have.

So the last few days I have been informing people what has happened, which I think - has to be one of the hardest parts. The wound is still gaping open and gushing blood - and you have to talk about it - which I do not want to do. It makes it more real to say it outloud somehow.

You start with family and friends, and move onto co-workers. No matter who you tell - the women all respond the same way. THAT ASSHOLE! You can see the wounds from their past flair up in their eyes. No matter what happened - no matter who's fault it is, no matter how it went down, HE is the asshole, they are on YOUR side, they will give you their left arm if you need it, you take ANYTHING you need, you take all the time you want, you call me at any hour - day or night, and I am there for you. Rage in their eyes, nostrils flairing, all their ex heart breaks running through their head - they are there for you. No questions asked. That is also the one good thing about being a woman in a break up. Men rarely get the support, sympathy, and pure nasty man bashing that women get.

Happy I'm Not Single

Have I said lately I am SO HAPPY I AM NOT SINGLE?!?!??!?!
I was in Noodlebox tonight (does everyone have a Noodlebox or is it local?)...Anyway, I was in Noodlebox getting some dinner for my husband and I; I had already ordered and was just sitting waiting for our food to be ready. In walks this adorable girl - wearing a knee length cranberry wool coat with matching flats, blonde super curly hair and pulled up and super cute natural make up, and her, what I am sure, is a very early in the relationship date. They both seem to be in their early twenties.
Him: Is THIS where you want to eat?
Her: YES! I LOVE it here!!!
Him: It's noodles (then very loudly) OH MY GOD IT'S $11.00 NOODLES!!!! $11.00 FOR NOODLES!?!?!?
Her: (Blushing) well it's not just noodles - see you get to choose a noodle, veggies, meat/tofu, and a sause - and it's just $11.00 - no tax or anything added
Him: This isn't what I had in mind - I brought $20.00 I can't afford to pay for two of these
Now, I'm thinking - where the hell are you gonna buy two meals for $20.00? McDonalds?
Needless to say they each paid for their own - he complained about the price. He was confused about the different kinds of noodles - he went for hot (they have a spice chart mild, mild + mild/medium, medium, medium+...) I can handle hot... I have no problem with spice... but medium is as high as I go, and medium is quite hot. The lady at the counter explained that hot is VERY hot... no no, he could handle it.
He was chocking and coughing and eyes watering, then threw a fit - got all upset, yelled at the cooks, yelled at the girl at the counter and left...
walked out...
LEFT HIS DATE THERE
Alone!!!!
I told her she's better off....
She agreed.

The Exception - Not The Rule...

So I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" the other night. It is pretty accurate in an over the top way. I remember being single wondering why didn't he call... I thought the date went well... Maybe he's just busy... Maybe he's away... The truth was, he just wasn't interested.

I also agree with the movie that your girlfriends will say anything to make you feel better - he is intimidated by your: smarts, looks, maturity, etc. All example of lies - he again, is not interested.

A bit farther into the movie they speak of "exceptions" and "rules". Basically, the rule is if he calls - he's not interested, if you're the "other woman" or a "rebound" it will never work out. Then they speak of "exceptions to the rule" those girls who are the other woman, who don't get a call for months at a time, and the couple eventually ends up living happily ever after.

During my life, for many many years, I was the rule. He didn't call - he never called. I'm the rebound - it never works out - it only last a week - he never calls. Now, I am the exception. When I first met my future husband, we were not friends. I did not like him at all. He was my team lead at a job, and I thought he was lazy and could not care less about his job/life. Then I started training to be a team lead, and he was my supervisor for that - he became friends, and we started to hang out - going to movies and coffee. He had a serious girlfriend at the time who was totally fine with us hanging out. Next thing I knew, they broke up, and we started dated - making me the rebound. I thought forsure - that I was the rule. This would not work out. The rebound never lasts. I now know, that I was the exception.

To Join, or Not To Join

The great debate is whether to join the bank accounts or not. I am VERY stingy with money and worry an awful lot about my credit. My future husband on the other hand - beer budget, champagne taste. He doesn't worry so much about saving for the future, he worries more about having the nicest and best of everything - the TV, the laptops, bluray - stuff that is not really important to me at all, but, is still nice to have.

We went out for a birthday dinner with a friend who was very surprised when we got seperate bills and each paid for our own meals. He just assumed we had a joint account of that my future husband would pay for my meal. We have always paid our own ways - and I never thought of joining accounts. What do you guys do? Do you think its a good idea to join accounts - or is each having your own the best idea?