Breaking up is hard. Especially if you don't know WHY you broke up, and no one is really willing to inform you. I am still unclear as to why my husband and I separated. Things were going along just fine. No problems that I could see. Then, one day, he had to start "thinking about his life". Fine - we all go through that stage. Usually it's work related, or do I want to go back to school - something. Not hey, I think I'm gonna leave my wife and not tell her why!
This makes it extremely difficult to move on. How can you possibly move on after this? You have zero closure, no idea what went wrong, no idea what happened. Just one minute everything is good - the next you're single.
I have asked him why - he says I seemed unhappy. That seems like a bullsh*t answer if you ask me. If I seemed unhappy wouldn't you TALK to me about it? Really?
The fact that he refused to speak to me about anything that was going on, refused counselling, didn't even attempt to work things out is completely heart breaking. How do you recover from that? How do you get over that? How can you move on from that?
The answer? You can't. You simply can't.
I think it's extremely selfish. Him not telling me what happened is holding me back from healing, and that is an incredibly cruel and selfish thing to do. Even if it's something hurtful that I wouldn't like to know - it would be better than constantly wondering what happened. It would be closure.
Have any of you ever been through this? If yes, how did you get over it?
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I've never been through this myself, but someone in my family is going through this now. His wife just one day told him that she didn't love him anymore and proceeded to leave without really trying to save their marriage. He had it really rough at first, but I think he has someone to talk to now who really understands what he's going through. I know this is easier said than done, but if you can find someone who has some common ground with you and who can easily relate to you, just that general understanding can really help a lot. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I find talking to God to be helpful. Even if an answer doesn't come from Him right away, just talking about the same thing over and over until I feel like it's out of my system can take a load off my mind. Other than that, I journal. Writing can really help with sorting out feelings and can even help you divine some sort of meaning out of what your going through and how to get through it better. I hope this helps. I'm really sorry about what you're going through, because I've seen it happen in my family and it's so awful to watch happen. I really hope that you're able to heal and find closure soon.
ReplyDeleteI think that is horrible. How long were you together? And how long have you been seperated now?
ReplyDeleteIm sorry to say that there must be some underlining issues that he is just not telling you, maybe so it doesnt HURT. But you deserve answers.
Just popped in from Lady Bloggers. This totally sucks but in the end, if he can't/won't tell you then it is no longer your problem, it is solely his.
ReplyDeleteI have been through this with my ex and it took me a long time to recover and heal but you definitely will of that I am sure. Big hugs to you.
Visiting from SITS. A friend of mine was left by her spouse after 3 years of marriage when she was 5 months pregnant with the child they had endured fertility treatments for. She's as bewildered as you, but the best you can do is pick up the pieces, find an activity you love and move on to the next step in your life.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck