Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...

Breaking up is hard. Especially if you don't know WHY you broke up, and no one is really willing to inform you. I am still unclear as to why my husband and I separated. Things were going along just fine. No problems that I could see. Then, one day, he had to start "thinking about his life". Fine - we all go through that stage. Usually it's work related, or do I want to go back to school - something. Not hey, I think I'm gonna leave my wife and not tell her why!
This makes it extremely difficult to move on. How can you possibly move on after this? You have zero closure, no idea what went wrong, no idea what happened. Just one minute everything is good - the next you're single.
I have asked him why - he says I seemed unhappy. That seems like a bullsh*t answer if you ask me. If I seemed unhappy wouldn't you TALK to me about it? Really?
The fact that he refused to speak to me about anything that was going on, refused counselling, didn't even attempt to work things out is completely heart breaking. How do you recover from that? How do you get over that? How can you move on from that?
The answer? You can't. You simply can't.
I think it's extremely selfish. Him not telling me what happened is holding me back from healing, and that is an incredibly cruel and selfish thing to do. Even if it's something hurtful that I wouldn't like to know - it would be better than constantly wondering what happened. It would be closure.
Have any of you ever been through this? If yes, how did you get over it?

Realist VS. Pessimist

Realism VS. Pessimism... I'm not sure what I am characterized as. Let me explain...
A friend of mine starting dating a man she met online. Great - I have never tried online dating. I am neither for or against it. It makes zero difference to me where you meet. I have a few friends that LOVE it, and a few friends who HATE it, I am undecided.
Anyhoo.... They met, went on a date a few weeks ago, and have been completely inseparable since then. They chat/text/email all day. They spend all evenings and weekends together - totally inseparable. Now, he does have a job where he travels a lot. He's here for a few weeks - lots of free time - then is gone for a few weeks - working constantly. So I understand the fact that they want to get to know each other before he leaves again.
She is totally infatuated with him. Talks about him all the time, tells me all the sweet things he does - totally in lust.
Now me.... whenever she tells me a sweet thing he does - I say "awwww, that's so sweet!" and then think - "that won't last" or "he's totally playing her". Why can't I just accept that he may be a nice guy and wants to spend time with her and do sweet things.
They seriously spend every living second together - and I WANT to tell her to take it easy, don't get too attached too fast.... but why? Maybe he's a really great guy! Maybe he wants to be with her all the time!
Pessimist?
Bitter maybe?
Untrusting?
I don't really think I'm untrusting. When I speak to my husband and he tells me something - I believe him. I trust him. I don't think awful things about him. I don't think he's an awesome dream guy either though - of course I know him quite well - and he never pretends to be perfect. I just think this guy is a little too attentive and sweet and perfect... a little too good to be true.
I am very good at keeping my mouth shut and tell her she's so lucky and he's a great guy... but deep down - I think this guy is a bit of a player?

ThanksGiving

So, it's Thanksgiving here in Canada. Thanksgiving was always mine and my husbands holiday. We would always have EVERYONE over for dinner. My mother, his parents, his gramma, my best friend, her husband and child, my other good friend and his date, and random people who just didn't have other plans. We always had tonnes of people here. This year, my husband - aka the Grinch, stole Thanksgiving! No one was into it this year. I still had his mother over, and my mother was here - but that was it. No one else. I invited my husband because I didn't want him to be alone on what is normally our big day - but, as a typical man. He doesn't care. Doesn't even phase him. He doesn't seem to care much about anything. A while ago I was trying to plan our one year anniversary. He actually said to me - really, our
wedding anniversary doesn't mean that much to me. Christmas and birthdays yes, but wedding anniversary, no, not important.

**SWOON**

So romantic! Tell me again about how our wedding vows mean nothing to you!

It's Makeover's Y'all!

So, my mother-in-law and her sister (Aunt-in-law?) stopped over last night. They are so concerned over what happened. What went wrong? What was so horrible about our relationship that it wasn't worth saving?

His mother likes to disect him. His every word, move, thought... She said he's not a very thoughtful man. More focused on himself then others. Quite selfish actually. She also noted he was quite lazy and very messy. Very very messy. There was a lengthy discussion on how he constantly pee's on the side of the toilet and never cleans it up. She also went into length about how he never shares his feelings, and has no empathy if someone else is upset, and can come off cold and uncaring, even though he may actually care. He just doesn't know how to show it. She then went into an example about how he is a horrible communicator. Really. Horrible. Example:
His Mom: Hi Son, how are you today?
Him: Fine
His Mom: How are you doing? What's new?
Him: Nothing
His Mom: What are you up to today?
Him: I dunno
His Mom: Want to get together for lunch?
Him: No
His Mom: Why?
Him: I'm sick...
His Mom: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
Him: You didn't ask!

Frustrating - I know. Normal people would be like:
You: Hi, How are you?
Me: Ugh, I'm sick - some kind of flu I think.
But if you don't ask the perfectly worded question, you will never know whats going on with him.
After this lengthy discussion my Aunt-in-law says "Wow, I really think you are way better off without him". She is quite disappointed in him and has never tried to hide it. She thinks he's making a huge mistake and isn't afraid to admit it.
Now as much as I love these bitch sessions, America's Next Top Model is on Y'all! AND!! It's MAKEOVER week!!!
HELLO!

Luckily I had it on the correct channel all night so I could just rewind it and watch it. I love me some ANTM makeovers.

The Future Could Be Pink!

So, you know what helps when you're caught in a rut. Thinking about the life you will no longer have. The family you will no longer have. Thinking about how your husband no longer wishes to be with you - and you don't know why?

Thinking about the future!

Thinking about my future apartment to be exact. This is going to be the cleanest, most organized apartment EVER. OCD tendencies rejoice!

Everything at your fingertips!

And the closet – oh the closet!

It can be anyway that I want it to be. Set up how I like it… it can be PINK!

  

What gets you through a rut?

Trust Your Instincts Girls!

No matter what they tell you - "you're over-reacting", "you're acting crazy", "Everything is fine", "there is nothing going on" - TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!

He doesn't look at you quite the same way.

He's a little more distant.

He doesn't tell you he loves you often as he used to.

He no longer touches you for no reason.

He no longer holds your hand when you go out.

He no longer spends as much time with you as he used to.

He seems to be going out a bit more than normal.

If you THINK there is something wrong - chances are there IS!

Trust yourself. Womens intuition is REAL! Don't let anyone tell you anything different!

You can feel it in the pit of your stomach, bubbling up to your brain. Your mind races, your heart throbs, and you KNOW - you know... you don't THINK - you know.

You need to trust this. This is real, and you are right!

My husband was acting "strange" for about 2 months. I asked him over and over what was going on - nothing. You're acting strange - no I'm not. Something is happening - no it's not. You are being different - nope, I'm exactly the same as I always was.

You know what? I was right. My instinct - starting at the pit of my stomach and bubbling up to my brain - was right. Dead - on! Soon - I will be separated. I will be a statistic. I still cannot tell you why. I still cannot think of a reason, a fight so bad, something that cannot be worked out.

EOTD

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all had a great weekend. My hubby has sinus surgery (yuck, and yes, it looks as painful as it sounds) so I've been a busy little nurse. But... I still had time to do my makeup.


Everyday Minerals Waffle Cone (blush) all over eyes
NYX dark brown in runway pallet Champagne and Cavier
NYX Milk Jumbo stick on lids
NYX Hunter green eyeshadow on lid (pic above)
It's such a pretty colour - and if you put a base on it stays true to that colour - great on brown eyes!!!
Rimmel black eyeliner
Great lash mascara
Have a great evening everyone!

The Exception - Not The Rule...

So I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" the other night. It is pretty accurate in an over the top way. I remember being single wondering why didn't he call... I thought the date went well... Maybe he's just busy... Maybe he's away... The truth was, he just wasn't interested.

I also agree with the movie that your girlfriends will say anything to make you feel better - he is intimidated by your: smarts, looks, maturity, etc. All example of lies - he again, is not interested.

A bit farther into the movie they speak of "exceptions" and "rules". Basically, the rule is if he calls - he's not interested, if you're the "other woman" or a "rebound" it will never work out. Then they speak of "exceptions to the rule" those girls who are the other woman, who don't get a call for months at a time, and the couple eventually ends up living happily ever after.

During my life, for many many years, I was the rule. He didn't call - he never called. I'm the rebound - it never works out - it only last a week - he never calls. Now, I am the exception. When I first met my future husband, we were not friends. I did not like him at all. He was my team lead at a job, and I thought he was lazy and could not care less about his job/life. Then I started training to be a team lead, and he was my supervisor for that - he became friends, and we started to hang out - going to movies and coffee. He had a serious girlfriend at the time who was totally fine with us hanging out. Next thing I knew, they broke up, and we started dated - making me the rebound. I thought forsure - that I was the rule. This would not work out. The rebound never lasts. I now know, that I was the exception.

What's in a name?

So... my future last name is...

wait for it...

...

Potter.

Can you freakin' believe it? When I tell people - they laugh - ask if his name is Harry. I know when I get pregnant everyone is gonna ask if we're gonna name the kid Harry. People at work started calling me Hermione.

Painful.

So JP (Future husband) send me these names we can name future children... Barry.... Larry ... Gary .... and...

Samwise...

I'm like Samwise? What's that.

Knowing JP - I know it's something nerdy - so I google it. It's the dude from Lord of the Rings who has to carry everything because poor precious Frodo has THE RING!!!

I can re-enact Lord of the Rings for you right here on the computer...

Sam: It's ok Frodo - I'll carry EVERYTHING!!! You just focus on the ring
(he is CLEARLY being sarcastic - but Frodo takes it literally)
Frodo: OH GOD!!! SOMEONE BAD IS COMING!!! *Drops sword, falls down*
Sam or Viggo (ME-OW) saves the day
Frodo: Oh God!! Bad Guy *Drops sword,falls down*
Sam or Viggo save the day
Frodo: Oh God!! Bad Guy *Drops sword,falls down*
Sam or Viggo save the day
And this goes on for HOURS... Like... Hours. I eventually fell asleep.

Embarassing side note: JP wanted his wedding band to be engraved to look like the Lord of the Rings ring...

Anyway - we are off to get married!!! As of Sept 21st I'll be MRS. POTTER!!! I may or may not be posting when I'm away - but I'll see yah in a week!!!