Ch Ch Ch Changes....

So, this year has been a pretty big year of changes for me. Changes that I had absolutely no control over.

1. My husband has decided he wants to be single
2. I had to have an animal put down
3.My cousin passed away
4. My best friend moved to South Africa
5. I'm selling our house at the worst possible time
6. Getting out of my mortgage early is resulting in me paying a ridiculous $20,000 fee

I have to say, I'm pretty much done at this point. Something good has to happen right? Something good has to come from this?

This year is just a write-off for me. I just want it to be over. Next year is going to be my year of being settled, comfortable and happy. I simply refuse to accept anything else. I will be settled into my new home, getting back to ME and how I was before I was a WE.

Um... WHAT?

Ummmmm.... What? What was that Marie Claire? You said WHAT? You have an issue with Fat people on TV?
Marie Claire, I hate to say it, but I think it's YOU that has a problem. First there was THIS. Picking on all those cute little healthy lifestyle bloggers. Getting everyone up in an uproar about eating disorders. Twisting words and upsetting some innocent girls. Now, you have a problem with fat people. So what do you want from us? Not too thin? Not too fat? And this:
"So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room"
Um... you better be pretty hot shit to make a comment like that. Like, you better put Megan Fox to shame in the looks department!
And this:
"Now, don't go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called plump. I'm not some size-ist jerk."
Ummmm hahah... I'm not racist, some of my closest friends are black. I'm not homophobic, some of my best friends are gay.... sound familiar? I can pretty much guarentee, those "plump" people you call friends, as of right now, are no longer your friends.
Marie Claire, I think you need to get out more. I think you need to realize that people have more important things to worry about like their daughter (my cousin) dying of cancer at the age of 40. War, hate crimes, poverty, murder, homelessness, hunger, why there are so many children dying of cancer, why there are so many adults dying from cancer, why so many innocent people are killed in "friendly fire", why children in schools are committing suicide due to bullying. Maybe you need to spend more time in a childrens hospital and less time critisizing fat people who are in your line of vision and making you sick.

Another Rant About The Bus...

Seriously people, can we get with the program please? ONE girl - managed to take up FIVE SEATS!!! FIVE!!! Can I tell you - FIVE!!
Now, you may ask, how in the world is it possible for one small girl - to take up FIVE seats? Let me tell you!
On the bus, there are five seats that line the back of it. Across from these five seats there are four seats facing, and a space down the middle for an aisle to walk.

So, as you can see - the girl was sitting with her back to the back of the bus, her dirty feet up on the seat across from her. Her bag on the seat next to her - not on one of the two seats shes blocking by having her feet up - the OTHER seat. She was BLARING music on her headphones, so when an elderly lady politely asked her if she could sit down she didn't hear. The elderly lady decided to stand in the aisle. I smacked the girl on the leg and told her to get her feet off the seat so someone could sit down. She sighed deeply and rolled her eyes, but put her feet down - mind you she didn't move over to an empty seat or pick up her bag - baby steps... baby steps.

ThanksGiving

So, it's Thanksgiving here in Canada. Thanksgiving was always mine and my husbands holiday. We would always have EVERYONE over for dinner. My mother, his parents, his gramma, my best friend, her husband and child, my other good friend and his date, and random people who just didn't have other plans. We always had tonnes of people here. This year, my husband - aka the Grinch, stole Thanksgiving! No one was into it this year. I still had his mother over, and my mother was here - but that was it. No one else. I invited my husband because I didn't want him to be alone on what is normally our big day - but, as a typical man. He doesn't care. Doesn't even phase him. He doesn't seem to care much about anything. A while ago I was trying to plan our one year anniversary. He actually said to me - really, our
wedding anniversary doesn't mean that much to me. Christmas and birthdays yes, but wedding anniversary, no, not important.

**SWOON**

So romantic! Tell me again about how our wedding vows mean nothing to you!

It's Makeover's Y'all!

So, my mother-in-law and her sister (Aunt-in-law?) stopped over last night. They are so concerned over what happened. What went wrong? What was so horrible about our relationship that it wasn't worth saving?

His mother likes to disect him. His every word, move, thought... She said he's not a very thoughtful man. More focused on himself then others. Quite selfish actually. She also noted he was quite lazy and very messy. Very very messy. There was a lengthy discussion on how he constantly pee's on the side of the toilet and never cleans it up. She also went into length about how he never shares his feelings, and has no empathy if someone else is upset, and can come off cold and uncaring, even though he may actually care. He just doesn't know how to show it. She then went into an example about how he is a horrible communicator. Really. Horrible. Example:
His Mom: Hi Son, how are you today?
Him: Fine
His Mom: How are you doing? What's new?
Him: Nothing
His Mom: What are you up to today?
Him: I dunno
His Mom: Want to get together for lunch?
Him: No
His Mom: Why?
Him: I'm sick...
His Mom: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
Him: You didn't ask!

Frustrating - I know. Normal people would be like:
You: Hi, How are you?
Me: Ugh, I'm sick - some kind of flu I think.
But if you don't ask the perfectly worded question, you will never know whats going on with him.
After this lengthy discussion my Aunt-in-law says "Wow, I really think you are way better off without him". She is quite disappointed in him and has never tried to hide it. She thinks he's making a huge mistake and isn't afraid to admit it.
Now as much as I love these bitch sessions, America's Next Top Model is on Y'all! AND!! It's MAKEOVER week!!!
HELLO!

Luckily I had it on the correct channel all night so I could just rewind it and watch it. I love me some ANTM makeovers.

One Year Wedding Anniversary, and Exactly Two Weeks Since My Husband Moved Out...

Teen Mom Deuxième Partie

Farrah. Farrah Farrah Farrah. You know what? Poor Farrah has no money. She has $100.00 to her name, rent is due in two weeks and her baby is starving!
You know what Farrah? I caught then end of Teen Mom yesterday in fact. I was waiting for the Real World to start (Guilty Pleasure). Precious little Farrah was at the hair dresser, complaining about how broke she was - getting her extensions put in. You  know, I don't have extensions, but I can bet that they are not cheap. I would put money on it in fact. I remeber a while ago as well I caught a glimpse of it, and Farrah was at the salon getting mani/pedi's with her daughter. Her not even one year old daughter. Again, I think that costs some cash.
From the parts of Teen Mom that I've seen (and I admit to watch it occasionally) Farrah was living in her family's rental for little to no money, she then moved into her own place and couldn't afford it. Well if you're so broke, stay at your parents rental, don't get hair extensions, mani/pedis. Really? Really? And I cannot believe, well I don't believe, that Farrah is not making a decent amount of money off of the show as well as these magazine covers. I bet she is making more money then most of us.
Grow up Farrah. You're a mom. It's time to act like an adult.
And what's with her leaving her baby unattended so much? That baby has fallen, been locked out of the apartment, been splashed with hot water, and God knows what else more times then I can count. I have probably only seen about 3 full episodes.

Teen Mom

Why, oh why, are the kids from Teen Mom on so many magazine covers? Really... Why.... I want to know...

These are 16 year old girls that got knocked up. Is this magazine cover worthy?

Look at all the magazine covers...

And seriously, I searched for like 10 seconds... and I found ALL of these...

And why is Farrah broke? SHES ON THE COVER OF OK MAGAZINE!!! They must get some kind of money for that. They MUST! And you know what Farrah? Back in MY DAY, when 16 year old girls had kids - they studied their asses off to get their GED, and you know what else? They got their GED because they left school so they could get jobs. Full time jobs. You know what a full time job gets you? Money! So these 16 year old girls left school - studied endlessly to get GED or to challenge the final exams, they worked full time AND took care of their kids. Novel idea- I know.

Ooooh, and Maci - a new shot at love. Maybe little Maci should take it easy. Keep the ol' legs glued together for a while. Focus on herself and her baby. Just a thought.

What do you guys think about these Teen Mom's getting so much press?

Dating...

Ahhhh dating.

You know what amazes me? Women (or men) that can have their husband (or wife) leave one weekend, and be dating the next weekend. Or even more shocking, women (or men) who date while they are still married, and then leave their spouse for the other person, and continue to date and live happily ever after (maybe).

Can I tell you, I have ZERO interest in dating. Like seriously, zero. In the past, having a flirty funny conversation with a cute doctor was fun. Now, it vomit inducing. Seriously, I throw up a little bit each time. I hate it. I would rather SLOWLY be ripped apart limb by limb by a dull toothed great white that's not that hungry.

Crazy hey? I actually backed away from the computer a little bit when that picture came up. How far down does his throat actually go? Anyway, dating, yah, no thank you!

And really, at this point, when you are left for no real reason, how can you ever be comfortable again. I'm 33, so I have to eventually start dating again, I can't be alone forever, but how do you not wake up every morning thinking "is this it? is this the day he decides he doesn't want to be with me anymore?" Do you ever get over that? Or is it forever in the back of your mind? I guess we'll find out!

I Dreamed That The World Was Crumbling Down We Sat On My Back Porch And Watched It...

When it rains it pours people. Apparently things happen in three's? Well, I'm not sure I can handle one more thing.

So my husband officially moved out for a while on Tuesday. That day, he took Phinneus Mekus, our little girl ferret to the vet. Well, turns out she's sick. She's really sick. He gave her about a month.

This is her (click to enlarge)

So now, Phinneus Mekus is daddy's little girl. So I'm shipping her off to go stay with him for a couple weeks - she CLEARLY loves him more. I feel bad for her that she has to stay in a strange place and can't be with both of us. I also worry I may never see her again. Poor little girl. She's my only little girl and I love her.

So what do you do when you're sad and sick of staring at the same beige walls at work everyday? Make a super peppy art wall.

Up close - Phinneus Mekus - a little hyper girl.

William - sleeping

Theodore wearing my cat hat - so funny. Theodore is totally a momma's boy. He is to me, what Phinneus is to my husband.

Ted flying over Phinneus

There are some more - but I don't want to bore you.

What do you do to cheer yourself up?

Apparently It's Common!

Apparently, it's common...

Me: Yah, JP decided he no longer wished to be married

You: Really? Why? What happened?

Me: I don't know

You: Well why is he leaving?

Me: I don't know

You: What reason did he give?

Me: He doesn't know - he just no longer wants to be married

You: You know, that same thing happened to (insert your family member or friend here) me, my sister, my brother, my cousin, my neighbor...

Isn't that weird?

Do people really wake up one day and say - meh, I'm done being married - time to move on. And, for the people that do do this - do you think about the consequences? How you are affecting the other person? And, if you're in my position, did you not think about this a year ago? I've been married for less than a YEAR! could you not figure this out BEFORE we got married? Really?

Apparently that is also quiet common. Ending a marriage (especially your first marriage) within the first 2 years. They call this your "practice marriage". Hmmmm... I wish I had heard of this BEFORE we got married.

The Future Could Be Pink!

So, you know what helps when you're caught in a rut. Thinking about the life you will no longer have. The family you will no longer have. Thinking about how your husband no longer wishes to be with you - and you don't know why?

Thinking about the future!

Thinking about my future apartment to be exact. This is going to be the cleanest, most organized apartment EVER. OCD tendencies rejoice!

Everything at your fingertips!

And the closet – oh the closet!

It can be anyway that I want it to be. Set up how I like it… it can be PINK!

  

What gets you through a rut?

Trust Your Instincts Girls!

No matter what they tell you - "you're over-reacting", "you're acting crazy", "Everything is fine", "there is nothing going on" - TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!

He doesn't look at you quite the same way.

He's a little more distant.

He doesn't tell you he loves you often as he used to.

He no longer touches you for no reason.

He no longer holds your hand when you go out.

He no longer spends as much time with you as he used to.

He seems to be going out a bit more than normal.

If you THINK there is something wrong - chances are there IS!

Trust yourself. Womens intuition is REAL! Don't let anyone tell you anything different!

You can feel it in the pit of your stomach, bubbling up to your brain. Your mind races, your heart throbs, and you KNOW - you know... you don't THINK - you know.

You need to trust this. This is real, and you are right!

My husband was acting "strange" for about 2 months. I asked him over and over what was going on - nothing. You're acting strange - no I'm not. Something is happening - no it's not. You are being different - nope, I'm exactly the same as I always was.

You know what? I was right. My instinct - starting at the pit of my stomach and bubbling up to my brain - was right. Dead - on! Soon - I will be separated. I will be a statistic. I still cannot tell you why. I still cannot think of a reason, a fight so bad, something that cannot be worked out.

Crazy Train To Single Town!!!!

On Friday, August 20th, 2010 - exactly 1 month and 1 day before our 1 year anniversary, my husband informed me he no longer wished to be married. We have been together for 5.5 years, and just now he realized I am not the one for him.

It's all very confusing and all kind of tangled and intertwined in my head.

He has no real reason - there are no crazy out of control fights, there is no cheating or illicit affairs. We get along great. We still love each other. We are each others best friends. We have similar personalities. We just weren't meant to be married. hmmm....

So... that's where I am. On the crazy train to single-town. Unsure why I'm on the train, but thankfully, I will be so busy getting our home ready to sell - I won't even have time to worry about it.

It's the getting into my new apartment - alone - and being forced to sit and wonder that I worry about. Worry about the future I will no longer have - the family we will no longer have.

So the last few days I have been informing people what has happened, which I think - has to be one of the hardest parts. The wound is still gaping open and gushing blood - and you have to talk about it - which I do not want to do. It makes it more real to say it outloud somehow.

You start with family and friends, and move onto co-workers. No matter who you tell - the women all respond the same way. THAT ASSHOLE! You can see the wounds from their past flair up in their eyes. No matter what happened - no matter who's fault it is, no matter how it went down, HE is the asshole, they are on YOUR side, they will give you their left arm if you need it, you take ANYTHING you need, you take all the time you want, you call me at any hour - day or night, and I am there for you. Rage in their eyes, nostrils flairing, all their ex heart breaks running through their head - they are there for you. No questions asked. That is also the one good thing about being a woman in a break up. Men rarely get the support, sympathy, and pure nasty man bashing that women get.

An Open Letter To...

Dear Fellow Bus Passengers,

You know what? It's 36 degrees Celsius today, that's 96.8 Fahrenheit. I am dressed completely in black, I was just at a funeral and want to get home. I had to walk 30 minutes, in all black, in the heat, to get to the bus stop - I just missed the bus, and because we are in the boondocks, this bus only comes once ever 45 minutes. So I have now been sitting in the heat, in all black, with my purse and a bag of groceries for 45 minutes. I get on the un-air-conditioned bus - finally - for my 35 minute trip back into town, just so I can transfer buses for another 30 minute bus ride home. I'm sweating my ass off, I'm grumpy, I'm hot, and my bag of groceries is not light. The bus isn't full, but there are are large number of you sitting on the OUTSIDE seat - so noone can sit with you. The people who are nice enough to sit on the inside seat all have people sitting with them. Now, normally, I would just stand next to one of you and say excuse me while rolling my eyes to get you to move over. But at this point, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my sh*t on someone, so I just stand there quietly. At this point, an elderly lady asks me if I want her seat because my bag looks heavy. I thank her very much but say no - she needs to sit down - while doing this I look at all the 15 year old boys not sharing their seats - nothing.

You know what people? Have a little consideration. If you don't want to sit with people, stand the f*ck up and let TWO people sit in your spot. If you're tired and need to sit - move the f*ck over and suffer the bus ride with someone sitting next to you. It's f*cking hot, I'm tired, I'm holding stuff so I can't hold onto the rail and we are on a moving bus, it's a long ride - MOVE THE F*CK OVER!!! Even if I am the ONLY person on the bus - I ALWAYS sit against the wall and put my bag on my lap so people can sit with me. Get with the program people!

Man Crush

As a follow up to my Girl Crush list - here is my Man Crush List...

1. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Who knew the little kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun would grow up to be so hot?

2. George Stroumboulopoulos

George Stroumboulopoulos. I don't know if people outside of Canada knows who he is - but HERE he is at work - so hot! Funny, witty, smart - yum!

3. Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp - so freakin sexy! I think he is on EVERYONE'S list. Male and female - although the males would NEVER admit it.

4. Michael Buble

Michael Buble. I mean come on. What is not to love? Sexy voice, sexy songs - sexy. Really... who could deny that?

5. Bear Grylls

Bear Grylls, ok, this guy totally grosses me out. The sh*t he eats, and some of the weird stuff he does. Disgusting. But he's just so manly and hot!

Who are your man crushes?

Girl Crushes...

Girl Crushes - all girls have them, all girls are open about them, and all girls are happy to share them with whomever will listen!

Men on the other hand - men do not have man crushes. I personally think they do - but they would NEVER admit it. You know why? Because if they admit that a man is even categorized as "not ugly" in their mind - they are gay. Can you imagine a bunch of dudes sitting around, drinking tea and talking about their man crush? I don't think so!

So, without further ado - in NO particular order ... My Girl Crushes - Laminated List!!!

1. Natalie Portman:

Natalie Portman is drop dead gorgeous, smart (attended Harvard), well spoken, professional, and non slutty. She doesn't seem like the type of girl that needs to swing in and out of rehab every couple months, and I have never seen any gossip about her slutting it up at the bar. I absolutely love her.

2. Nicole Richie

Nicole Richie has an amazing sense of style and has an appearance of calmness about her. Sometimes when I watch The Simple Life I find her a bit annoying, but in pictures (not speaking) she is lovely.

3. Mary Louise Parker

Mary Louise Parker seems witty and funny. I totally fell in love with her in Weeds with her dry sense of humour and witty comebacks.

4. Maggie Gyllenhaal

Maggie Gyllenhaal is so adorable! She seems quirky and funny and doesn't give a sh*t what people think of her.

5. Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow gets a bad rap. People make fun of her GOOP newsletter and think she's a snob. I think she is gorgeous, seems very funny and witty in interviews, and has a calmness about her. But you know what? If she wants to be a snob, more power to her. Lovely.

6. Christina Ricci

Christina Ricci is another one of those quirky funny girls. She is cute and can be super casual or super dressed up. Love her.

7. Audrey Tautou

Audrey Tautou is so adorable! Perfect porcelain skin, huge eyes with all other features tiny. Again quirky and cute! And that adorable accent - totally love her.

8. Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway seems like one of those girls who is drop dead gorgeous, but doesn't really know it. She's kind of dorky and awkward, but could not be more beautiful. And she totally laughed off and joked about her little scandal - total babe.

9. Marion Cotillard

Marion Cotillard - also drop dead gorgeous, lovely accent, and funny - as seen HERE. How can you not love her? She's a fabulous actress and so beautiful!

10. Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel is yet another one of those quirky cute girls. I think every girl in the universe has a girl crush on her. She is beautiful, quirky, funny, adorable, and still a bit geeky. What else could you ask for!

Well, that is my list? Who's on your list?